Dan Savage: Why Monogamy Is Ridiculous
Why Monogamy Might Be Good for Your Health
Studies indicate that people in healthy monogamous or long-lasting, committed relationships may fare better health-wise than single people.
By Laura Schwecherl, Greatist
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Till death do us part… right? For some folks, maybe, but sticking to one mate for life is a rare phenomenon. Across the globe, about 95 percent of mammalian species and 85 percent of human cultures are polygamous. But for the rest of us bonding to one partner, the benefits could be more rewarding than any type of bed-hopping.
My Heart Will Go On (And On…) — Why It Matters
Monogamy is defined as having a single mate (aka sexual partner) during a certain period of time; sometimes it refers to marriage. On the flip side, polygamy means having more than one partner at thesametime. In the USA, the number of monogamous couples has increased significantly since the 1970s. Perhaps surprisingly, across the USA have actually decreased in the past few decades ( were married in 2009, the same number , although the national population has increased by about 100 million people in the last 40 years). But, in 2008, Americans were 10 percent more likely to say lipstick on the collar was wrong than they were in the 1970s; estimates about three quarters of married people today stay faithful to their spouses.
There are plenty of possible theories to explain the increasing rates of monogamy in the United States. Potential reasons range from economic factors to differences in mates’ childhood environments, and some suggest natural selection is pushing us toward tighter-knit family units. Some scientists have looked into the potential health benefits of sticking to a single mate. Research comparing the health status of monogamous and polygamous couples is pretty scarce, but studies suggest pairing off has benefits for our health and happiness that flying solo doesn’t.
Turns out there’s little reason to lose a guy (or girl) in 10 days. In many cases, people in relationships live longer than single ladies and gents. Intimacy between two is also linked to , higher immunity and better heart health. Married folks may even be less likely to get cancer than unmarried people. And relationships aren’t just about the honeymoon feeling. In , participants looked at photos of their sweeties and results indicated lovebirds in long-term partnerships showed levels of pleasure-boosting hormones similar to people in new relationships. In fact, people in long-term relationships also produced attachment hormones (like oxytocin) that people in short-term relationships didn’t have. (Of course, it’s unclear if the participants in any of these studies who said they were in a monogamous relationship really were faithful to their partners.) Still, monogamy may not be for everyone — to each his/her own?
I Do (or Don’t) — Your Action Plan
It’s not clear that everyone benefits from a monogamous relationship. have proposed contemporary alternatives to monogamy (like the ol’ "doesn’t count when I'm on vacation" thing), suggesting a relationship can be successful even if it’s not exclusive. And certain couples are coming up with their own terms of commitment, agreeing to have flings with other people on the side.
Some of us may also be more likely to seek out a monogamous relationship than others. Interestingly, scientists have discovered a male gene that’s linked to pair-bonding, and not every guy out there has it. Whether that’s a fair excuse for being unfaithful is a whole other story. (Can’t blame genes foreverything.)
And a monogamous partnership doesn’t automatically benefit our health. Especially for women, unsatisfying exclusive relationships are associated with serious negative health effects. Bad relationships can contribute to the development of depression, high blood pressure and obesity — things few talk about in their marriage vows.
For those with a long-term sweetie, here are some ways to spruce up that relationship and really bond with your babe:
- Get the adrenaline goin’.Skydiving? A roller coaster ride? Try doing new and exciting activities together to boost adrenaline, which may heighten emotions and feelings of pleasure.
- Do the deed.A satisfying relationship isn’tjustabout communication and commitment. Good sex helps, too, so keep on keepin’ on.
- Cuddle up.It doesn’t have to be all sex, all the time. (Well… your call.) Just a simple touch can strengthen that bond, so get cozy on the couch and feel the love start flowin’.
- Be a power couple.Needanotherreason to exercise? Besides releasing feel-good endorphins, workin’ out together can bring couples even closer and . For some extra sexy-time, try naked yoga.
- Give a kiss.Lips aren’t the only things that’ll get closer. Kissing releases the , bringing couples together emotionally as well. So go ahead and !
- Use social media?!If out of date ideas, find new ideas on the web to help spark some innovation. (People aren’t just friends on .)
Special thanks to professor of psychology and professor of biology Dr. Milind Watve for their insights on the benefits of monogamy.
Video: Monogamy, explained
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